For younger children, distraction (“Look at that big dog/red truck out there!”) is likely your best defense.Ī simple but extremely important rule of thumb in child rearing is “Don’t lie to your child.” For example, telling your kids that the family pet has gone to a farm upstate when the animal is actually dead is a good example of this common mistake that parents make.
The same type of negotiating can work if your child is screaming in the grocery cart because he’s sick of doing errands: Counting down the number of items you still need before “Mommy time” is over and it’s park or play time can be a good way to help your child feel involved and aware of the plan. Try saying something like, “Oliver, it’s getting to be dinnertime, so we’re going to start packing up in five minutes.” Then alert him at the four-, three-, two-, and one-minute marks, so he’s aware of what’s coming. If it’s about time to leave the park (and your child is old enough), prepare him for the transition, because transitions are notoriously difficult for kids. So next time you’re tempted to respond to refusals or tantrums with “I’m leaving,” try explaining the situation to your child in simple terms-or, at least, waiting out the tears with him (they will pass), and then proceeding on. For a child, the thought that you could leave them alone in a strange place is both terribly frightening and can begin to erode their attachment to you as the secure base from which they can encounter the world. According to Sroufe, when you say things like, “I’m just going to leave you here,” it opens up the possibility that you will not be there to protect and care for them. Alan Sroufe, a professor emeritus of psychology at the University of Minnesota’s Institute of Child Development, says that threatening your child with abandonment, even in seemingly lighthearted ways, can shake the foundation of security and well-being that you represent. It’s tempting to take this tack when your kids just won’t get on board with what you’re trying to do (especially if they’re throwing a full-fledged tantrum), but the threat of abandonment-it doesn’t matter whether you would never act on it-is deeply damaging to children.Ī child’s feeling of attachment to his parents and caregivers is one of the most important things in a child’s development, especially in the early years. And you become more and more frustrated and angry.
We’ve all been there: It’s time to leave the park and your kids just won’t go. According to them, here are the top 12 things that you should avoid doing to help your child develop into a happy, confident, and well-rounded little person. From child psychologists to child psychiatrists to child doctors, the experts gave us the lowdown on what harms and helps kids. We asked some of the best-known experts in the field what they see as some of the prime ways parents can mess up their kids. MORE FROM THE DOCTOR: The Movies of the Mind Alcohol and Brain Damage Competing With Clever Marketing
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